I’m starting to discover that I am the type of person who blocks out aspects she cannot deal with. I push fears, problems, resentments so below the surface, to the point were I completely forget about them. I have so much shit going on that I am only just starting to realize I have been avoiding. Storing things away from others is something I never thought I did or at least not to the extant I now realize. It is strange to come to such a realization out of the blue, to discover that one of the people I have been leaving in the dark was myself :(
17130.) i hate when people ask me how i am. that monotonous response, that 'fine thanks, how're you?' so forced, so contrived. when i reply i don't even think of the meaning behind the words that are tumbling out. i don't even stop to realise that no, i'm not okay, or maybe yes, i'm fucking amazing. i wish people wanted to know how each other were rather than using the question 'how are you' as this regularly structured script.
17132.) I've been single all my life but I really hope I find someone this year. I'm trying to be optimistic, but it's hard. I hope someone would look pass my looks and really try to know me deep down. I'm more than just a my looks.